Listen to Understand

Suzann Goldstein’s brief essay on listening well struck a chord with me, since it is a key skill which can take interpersonal relationships to a much higher level. It’s definitely a practice that I could improve upon by personally honing it to a sharper edge.

In asking the following question, “What have I learned (about listening)?” Goldstein summarizes her view:

“I have learned to wait until I grasp the content of the speaker’s message before responding. I have learned not to be a lazy listener but, instead, to be attentive.”

“I have learned once more, to be mindful of the speaker’s nonverbal gestures and to nod my head or smile or gesture in return; it is another way to listen.”

This advice sounds so simple that it is far too easy to gloss over and to lose the essential message that it contains. Yet, no professional whose occupation is associated with interpersonal relationships could have stated it more clearly or succinctly.

Suzann Goldstein’s full essay contains a personal account which is well worth your time to read completely. It appeared in its entirely on July 20, 2010 in the Community Life section (page B3) of the print edition of the Courier News.

Should We Laugh, or Should We Cry?

As of Tuesday evening, a Courier News article about a man relieving himself outside the northwest corner of the Bridgewater Township Municipal complex had garnered 35 interwoven, energetic comments, one of which was “removed for violating the terms of service” of the CN.

Egad!! The things that a respectable journalist has to report on!!

I’m certainly no prude, yet was amazed at the number of comments that such a narrative attracted compared to other local stories. Even more incredible, though, is the naïveté of the man who allegedly was caught in the act on a monitoring device. That’s what astonishes me the most.

The new Bridgewater Township Municipal complex is saturated from one end to the other, inside and out, with security features. There is no way that a person can walk about the outside perimeter of that facility without being observed.

Remember, the new police headquarters is on the opposite side of the administration building and is loaded with high-tech security gear.

In Kara Richardson’s newspaper account, “Council President Matt Moench said he has to think about the (proposed ‘no-peeing-in-public’) ordinance.” I’m certain that all the Council members will do that as well, although perhaps with a tongue-in-cheek light-hearted approach.

It turns out that behind the Municipal Complex, just outside the fence enclosing the Kids Street playground, there are public restroom facilities. A check with a person in the Bridgewater Recreation Department confirmed that these restrooms are “open from dawn to dusk” and, obviously, are available to anyone who will take the time to find them and to park in one of spaces in front of the playground.

Photos:  In the first photo, the parking lot for the Kids Street playground is shown immediately behind the new Bridgewater Township Municipal Building.  The second photo shows the public rest rooms situated just outside the fenced-in area for the Kids Street playground.

Bridgewater Occupies the New, Tears Down the Old

The Township has released the current electronic copy of Bridgewater News, a four-page quarterly release with a “Message from the Mayor” column, as well as other general information concerning the Township.

In it, you will find the date for the formal open house and grand opening of the new municipal complex (October); a couple of short articles on health; and – ugh! – a brief update on reassessment inspections for 2010.

As you may remember, the Township once mailed paper copies of the Bridgewater News to every Bridgewater household, but has since curtailed that practice to save printing and mailing costs. Given budgetary constraints, this makes sense. Some paper copies may still be available in certain public locations such as the Bridgewater Library for those of you who do not get electronic mail.

If you don’t yet receive this publication and would like to subscribe via e-mail, just go to the Bridgewater website and click on the Newsletter icon on the home page.

Photos:  The newly rebuilt Bridgewater Township Administration Building and the demolition of the other older Township buildings (by Dick Bergeron)

New Pizza-Plus Eatery Due at Mall

California Pizza Kitchen, a casual dining restaurant chain, will open a new facility at the Bridgewater Commons Mall. It will be on the ground floor level near the Lord & Taylor end, across from Guest Services and near the center court area where various seasonal activities such as those for Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are held annually.

This company already has other New Jersey locations in Cherry Hill, Paramus, Short Hills and Wayne. The menu sounds quite appetizing and distinctive, with offerings such as roasted artichoke and spinach pizza; four seasons pizza; dishes such as baby clam linguini, a Mediterranean plate; assorted salads and other healthy-sounding enticements.

Godiva Chocolatier and Mamma che Buono are located nearby on the same floor, should you like to top off your dining with a specialty dessert.

Bon appétit!

Photo:   New Mall Site of the California Pizza Kitchen [D. Bergeron]

The Elephant Who Wasn’t in the Room

One of the items approved tonight by the Bridgewater Township Council in its vote in favor of the use of $3 million of open space money for capital improvements to parks and other open space parcels in Bridgewater is an either/or option.

That question is whether to spend $1 million of Bridgewater Township’s open space money for two new artificial turf fields at the Bridgewater-Raritan High School, or to spend $1.5 million for capital improvements to Harry Ally Park in the Finderne section of Bridgewater.

The proposal for the B-R High School artificial turf fields is now “in the hands of the lawyers,” as was acknowledged by the Bridgewater Township Council at tonight’s meeting; as well as by Peter Starrs, B-R Administrator and Board Secretary, with whom I spoke this afternoon.

The specific legal issues in question are under “active” negotiation according to Jim Naples, Township Administrator, but none were specified at tonight’s meeting or by Mr. Starrs during our conversation.

The current status, as far as I can determine from limited information, is that the Township would lease school property to enable construction of two new artificial turf fields; would provide $1 million to that end and, in return, would obtain limited use of those fields after school hours for non-school athletic purposes.

Private athletic groups such as the Bridgewater United Soccer Club would be entitled to use those new facilities after school hours. At least two private groups would contribute $250,000 apiece towards the construction of the turf fields, in addition to Bridgewater Township’s $1 million. There was no mention of the amount of the B-R School District contribution, if any, to this project.

Tonight, there was a sizable group of sports enthusiasts, students and parents who turned out in favor of going ahead with the artificial turf. Only a few citizens questioned the use of Township monies reserved for open space to be transferred – for all practical purposes, despite the legal framework employed –from the Township to the School District.

The issue is a valid one for public discussion. Yet, not one member of the Bridgewater-Raritan School Board, its Facilities Committee, or of the School Administration was in the meeting room to offer clarification, summarize the proposal’s status, or to field questions from Bridgewater Council members.

Many people have volunteered assiduously to move forward all of the open space proposals approved today, not the least of which is Joanne Kane who chaired the ad hoc committee appointed by Bridgewater Mayor, Patricia Flannery.

But when it comes to moving monies from the Township to School District coffers, the general public has a right to know precisely what the terms and conditions of the agreement are that is now being hammered out by the lawyers, before a draft is finished and presented to the Bridgewater Township Council for its consideration. As it now stands, not even the Council knows what that is.

Photo:  Proponents for artificial turf fields at the Bridgewater-Raritan High School await their turn to address the Bridgewater Township Council.

Women of Accomplishment

She’s 77 years old and has eschewed a life of comfortable retirement in favor of one dedicated to uninterrupted service for people in the poorest country of the western Hemisphere, Haiti.

Her name is Sister Mary Finnick. She is a member of the order of the Grey Nuns of Yardley Pennsylvania and runs Matthew 25 House, a rehabilitation center turned hospital in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, one of the few such facilities which survived the earthquake that destroyed large swaths of Haitian cities and towns.

It was a photo highlighting her effervescent smile, as she was flanked by two Haitian children with the same happy expression that caught my attention. In our own very different culture, it’s hard to believe that people living amidst such extreme destitution can still retain the ability to internalize an I-will-survive attitude towards life despite continual setbacks – but such is the ethos of the Haitian people.

Sister Finnick is typical of modern nuns who, although greatly diminished in numbers, are still out in the world extending their work of service to others. The only outward hint – not counting the twinkle in her eyes -- that Finnick is a nun is the small crucifix protruding from a chain tucked under the collar of her yellow knit shirt.

There are six autonomous congregations of the Grey Nuns. The first was founded in the early 18th century by Marguerite d’Youville for the expressed purpose of serving society’s marginalized. Born in Quebec, Canada, Marguerite was formally recognized as a saint in 1990 by the Roman Catholic Church, the only Canadian to hold that distinction.

I can easily relate to these extraordinary women of accomplishment. It was teachers such as Sister Finnick – a professor before her current assignment – from the order of the Grey Nuns of the Cross who saw me through the first eight grades at Ste. Jeanne d’Arc, a bi-lingual grammar school in Lowell, Mass – Finnick’s home town, and one of the New England cities named in Bob Braun’s article which inspired this post.

It’s Not all Bad News

The summer of our national malaise need not be a cause to ignore the good news that occasionally breaks our way, if we will only recognize and acknowledge it.

For example, in a news report yesterday by Abby Gruen in a regional newspaper, PSE&G was reported to be reducing its rates for natural gas by 6.8%. This will result in an average annual decrease of $94. That may not sound like much, but isn’t it better than watching your Bridgewater or Raritan real estate taxes ratchet up every single year?

Another example: The United States is sitting on top of what geological experts say are among the greatest reserves of natural gas in the world. What we have is the technical knowhow to safely get it out of the ground. What we need are the will and oversight to make sure this happens in the proper manner.

Even the incomprehensible scope of the oil spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico has been the source of at least a modicum of hope in the last 48 hours in the form of a newly engineered cap that, if technology and luck go our way, could stem the flow of crude into the Gulf until a permanent solution is effected.

Even though this most recent alternative may not work –there appears to be a 50/50 chance that it may – why the reticence and the lack of “hope” emanating from the White House?

What needs to be expressed and underscored is that despite the alleged gross negligence on the part of British Petroleum management and the known failure of regulatory oversight by the U.S. Minerals Management Service, there are now hundreds of scientists, engineers, and just plain oil grunts busting their butts day and night in offices, on the ground, and on the seas to fix this crisis.

Yet when was the last time that you saw a news story either in print form or through the electronic media about these dedicated people completely focused upon the single objective of plugging that damn hole and cleaning up the mess?

Well, you see, it is sometimes more convenient to look for someone’s “ass to kick.”

Enjoy your weekend and stay engaged. I’ll see if I can do something about following my own advice.

Governor Christie Favorably Assessed by Big Apple Newspaper

In a recent edition, The New York Times ran a highly favorable article on New Jersey’s Governor Chris Christie. It is so laudatory, that some of the governor’s critics might say that it belongs on the editorial pages, but I think that it’s fine just where it is in the N.Y./Region section of that newspaper.

If you are interested, you may read the entire 1200-word piece by Richard Pérez-Peña, which I recommend that you do.

Among other things, the writer states that, “Mr. Christie has turned out to be a far more deft politician than his detractors — and even some supporters — had expected,” and that “he took office to predictions that his hard-charging style would not work in the labyrinth of Trenton, where factions of party, region and interest group would slow him down.”

Peña goes on to write that Christie “confronted the powerful public employees’ unions and won, cutting future pensions and benefits, and persuaded voters to defeat hundreds of local school budgets” while breaking “with tradition by refusing to reappoint a State Supreme Court justice.”

The reporter underscores the governor’s direct style of communication, lack of prevarication, and his sense of humor.

Just click here for the rest of The New York Times story.

Legislature Disses New Jersey Voters, Again

Governor Chris Christie did his very best under the circumstances. Not being able to push through his proposal for a voter-approved constitutional amendment with a hard spending cap, he settled for the next best thing – a questionable compromise that will be altered with more loopholes by successive legislatures and governors.

Notice that I wrote “will be altered,” not could be.

I won’t even bother in this post to outline the elements of the proposed legislative compromise which will be considered by the New Jersey Assembly on Monday and which is likely to be approved and signed into law by Governor Christie – because it doesn’t matter.

The real issue is that New Jersey voters were denied the right to initiative and referendum as originally proposed by the Governor: Simply put, we were all cut off from Christie’s plan to decide for ourselves in November whether or not there should be a hard cap on spending in this, the Garden State, where the green comes cheap.

And we have the Democratically controlled legislature to thank for that.

If there is a single mortal fear running through the sinews and synapses of elected officials, it’s having the checkbook taken out of their hands. OK, that doesn’t apply to all of them, I know, but it obviously applies to enough so that the New Jersey legislature had the power to block Christie’s original proposal for a Trenton-proof constitutional amendment with a hard spending cap.

And that’s why the details of the new law which will go into effect don’t matter: After this governor is gone, the spending binge will continue.

Netanyahu, a Staunch World Leader

Wednesday evening, I took the time to listen to an interview of Israel’s Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, by Larry King on CNN. I admire Netanyahu for the love which he has for his country and for his unqualified determination to ensure its survival in one of the world’s most incendiary regions.

His style and character remind me of great American leaders who, though different in personality, have guided us through hard times by marshalling our determination, courage, and willpower.

Below are a few of Netanyahu’s thoughts from the interview. They are self-explanatory and easily digestible. I remember him saying:

“Courage is the quality that supersedes all others.” Another was, “There is a difference between understanding [a problem] and effective action.” A book could be written on either of those.

In reference to the worldwide struggle to blunt the excesses of violent Jihad, he characterized the current conflict as one between “The forces of Medievalism and the forces of Modernity.”

When Larry King asked the man how he could possibly find time to relax with such a pressure-cooker job, this was Netanyahu’s reply: In Israel, everybody gets a day off – the Sabbath – and, he went on to explain, one of the best times of that day is the hour and a half which he spends with his son reading and discussing the Bible.

This man is purposeful, deliberate, and resolute – one who is much better to have as a friend than as a foe.

NOTE:  Photo by Fanpix.net

Black Beauty Makes Her Second Visit

The photograph shows Black Beauty making her second verified appearance in our garden. She’s the same visitor that Priscille had spotted for the first time a few days ago.

On Tuesday, when we prepared to leave the house around 10:00 AM, I saw from the distance what appeared to be our new guest, quickly fetched my camera from its ready-to-go location, positioned myself within the Buddleias (butterfly bush) and began to shoot. The profusion of insects swarming all over those cone-shaped flowers made an attractive photographic target.

Later on around mid-day when I momentarily ventured out to check, there wasn’t a butterfly to be seen. What’s more, nary a bee was buzzing about the Russian Sage, a blue-flowered deer-resistant plant which usually attracts dozens of those little yellow and black workers.

It’s so hot out that even the insects seem to want a respite from the blistering mid-day heat. The weather is the boss.

Thanks for reading. Stay cool and take care of yourselves.

PHOTO:  by Dick Bergeron, July 6, 2010

The Real Deal

When one thinks about Trenton and those who mix the soup of legislation in The State House, the noun ‘integrity’ is not the first thing that comes to mind. I will, nonetheless, qualify that introductory statement, because the fact is that there are some very honest, hard-working and straightforward members of the New Jersey House and Senate who are indeed pretty good at their job and who sincerely have our best interests at heart.

But don’t ask me to name too many, because the actions of those at the other end of the spectrum overshadow the work of the good ones. Too many phony deals and too much mendacity in its various manifestations rise like a thick cloud over this state’s capitol building – enough to dampen the confidence of the average New Jersey Jane and Joe.

That phenomenon is the principal reason why our new governor Chris Christie seems to be the real deal. The contrast of his presence among so many phonies only seems to cement his reputation as a credible leader.

Yes, yes . . . I know: The polls show New Jersey voters are almost equally divided over what Christie is doing. But that doesn’t make him a phony like so many of his predecessors. It may simply mean that we don’t the like bitter medicine of his proposed reforms.

Naturally, if your ox is getting gored by Governor Christie’s proposals and policies, you may disagree with his initiatives. I, like many others in this state, am taking a hit due to Christie’s virtual elimination of real estate rebates. I don’t agree with that action, but I’m swallowing it and moving on.

I hope that I don’t have to eat my words in a year or two. Prognosticating about elected officials is a risky endeavor and tends to make a person look foolish, as is any statement made about what might happen tomorrow, let alone beyond that.

Bridgewater Beauties

When she came to pay a visit yesterday, she must have liked the sweet nectar of the Buddleia plants, because she came back today with three of her friends. I had been out watering the planting beds, when I noticed all four butterflies settling down on one of the Buddleias in the yard.

If you want to freeze a butterfly in a picture, you have to be patient yet have to move quickly, because it won’t stay in one place very long. However, if there are enough plants to attract them in your flower beds, butterflies will tend to flutter from bush to bush, remaining in the same area long enough for you to create a satisfactory number of photos.

I was able to freeze-frame the first butterfly alone (see photo), and to also capture the other three lined up on another Buddleia (see second photo). It was a stroke of luck to find so many at one time concentrated within shooting distance.

Later on, after I had finished my work and was away from the yard, Priscille told me that she spotted another newcomer, a largely black one. I’ll be on the lookout for this newbie, and if I’m lucky, record her image as well.

Hopefully, dear readers you are all enjoying a sane, healthy, and joyous 4th of July weekend. We live in a great country, don’t you think, despite all of the self-deprecating negativity about the USA that infects too many: Don’t buy any of it, even if it emanates from Washington.

Photo:  by Dick Bergeron, July 3, 2010

Consider the Butterfly

The first butterfly of the season appeared in our garden on Monday, flying from flower to flower on the Buddleia (butterfly) bushes in search of nectar. It was a long-anticipated visit. I had been outdoors on-and-off-again this spring getting the garden in shape.

My work was well rewarded. I have many varieties of plants, most of them deer-resistant, and the Buddleia is one of those. When the colorful visitor dropped by this week, I reached for my Kodak digital camera, returned to the garden, and captured several photos of her at work. Buddleias are a magnet for butterflies and bees.

I couldn’t help but to admire the resolve with which this apparently simple creature went about its work. It was very breezy on Monday but, despite the wind resistance offered by that beauty’s large wings as it flew from bloom to bloom, it never once lost its grip on the flowers upon which it settled to gather its food.

The butterfly continued on its chores independently, making do with what nature provided for it; leaving its surroundings intact, with no visible traces of its visit.

Somehow, I think that there is a lesson being delivered to us humans by that beautiful and diligent member of nature.

If you are endowed with the ability for it, work; don’t rely on others to do in life what you should be doing for yourself. Respect your surroundings; we didn’t create them – they were provided free-of-charge for our benefit by a  Force which we can respect, but which we will never quite fathom this side of The Great Divide.

That’s a pretty tough prescription for us tough-as-nails New Jerseyans to swallow – at least that’s what we think. But even butterflies can prosper in The Garden State.

Note:  Photo by Dick Bergeron, 6-28-2010